After only a year of somewhat faithful service I’ve had to let the beach cruiser go. Not that I didn’t enjoy using it, although I had to deal with some chain drops here and there. I just wasn’t getting much use out of it here in Yorba Linda and there’s no room for another bike in the apartment (or so my girlfriend claims). I’ve had quite a good run with it though. Originally I was just in need of a bike for my 2008 Burning Man trip. Although the Burners’ guide recommended bringing an old used bike I was more inclined to having a cool new bike that was inexpensive, and I knew I could probably get a good deal on a beach cruiser from American Flyer Bicycles.
The Surf Cycle came “as is” which meant merely a few paint chips in the finish. I could live with that. The plan was to adorn the thing with crazy crap anyhow. So I made a stop at the local dollar store and grabbed up some fake roses, daisies, and ivy, and two rubber snakes that I could wrap around the tubes and chain stays, but this was only the garnish. I needed a heavy hitter for the centerpiece. I found what I was looking for in a store on ebay called VDAVISHORNS, which sells almost nothing except animal horns (mostly those of Texas longhorn steers and bighorn sheep). Some of these skulls were selling for as high as $350, but there were other less desirable shapes and sizes going for as low as $65. So I put in a bid for one of the more economical sets and waited for the auction to draw to a close. “This should be easy,” I thought. The guy had rows of things, each held up for the camera by a skanky, mexican mamacita. I had never realized how competitive ebay actually was until then. Thinking I had it in the bag, I was ready to put up my feet and relax, but somehow I got bid out at the last billionth of a second! I was furious at losing but my lesson was learned.
I knew that Damion had wasted a ton of time and money buying John Elway junk on ebay, so I asked him for some tips on bidding. If I didn’t win this time I was going to be screwed, because there wouldn’t be any more auctions closing in time to get the thing delivered before my trip. This time I ran two bids simultaneously and stayed aggressive on bidding at the bitter end. I was running the risk that I might actually end up winning both, but if that happened then I would just sell one or gift it. Finally, I did end up winning one skull and had it expressed delivered to the tune of about $85.
With the centerpiece in hand it was time to dress up the bike. I cinched down the skull with zip ties and hemp twine to the extra wide handlebars. The bones fit in like a glove, giving the option of steering with the grips or the ends of the horns. To top it all off, Dan loaned me a string of LEDs which I taped into the eye sockets and ran along the underside of the top tube to a battery pack under the saddle. When it was all lit up at night it looked like something straight out of hell. The Surf N’ Turf was born!
Into the cargo van it went, and we were off to the burn. The bike earned me a few compliments around Black Rock City, but it was a mere drop in the bucket of everything else going on there. I was still quite proud of my creation though. Riding along with Dan, whose bike was wrapped in plastic bones, we were shouted at by a man atop a parade-float car, “Hey, why don’t you bury those things?!” The vibration from riding around BRC did cause most of the teeth to fall out of the skull, but these came in handy for trading and as gifts.
Upon our return I decided it would be best to dismantle my creation. As cool as it would’ve been to ride such a beast in the middle of downtown Fullerton I might as well have put a big “Steal Me!” sign on it. The bike needed a thorough cleaning anyhow since it was soaked in corrosive playa dust. Even after restoring the cruiser to it’s original state it still would turn heads as I rode it around town. It was great bike for lazy Sunday rides or a quick trip to the liquor store.
I was sad to let this bike go, but it’s better served to someone who can use it than to just let it collect dust on my patio. The steer skull now hangs on the wall above my fireplace. One of the hardest parts about moving is learning to let go of old things. I find that I put a lot of sentimental value into stuff that I might not even have much practical use for. I really want and need to simplify. The weight of all this junk sometimes feels like an anchor, but you never know when you might want to play that guitar again or pull out the old marker pen set.
Anyhow, so long my friend, wherever the path may take you!
